Be a good sport about masturbation:
To simulate sex standing up: ride up and down on the handle of either a cricket bat, badminton racket or (if you like that full feeling) a tennis racket. Depending on your height (or sitting the thing on a wee stool) you can stand or half stand. Awesome. For sex kneeling, get an old-fashioned policeman's truncheon and ride it! Use your hands to rub your clit
Stuffed Condom Dildo [Contraptions]
We used to make sock puppets like that:
Get a lot of hair scrunchies and put them inside a condom to make a stuffed cock. Then just sit on top of it and put it up in your vagina. It feels as if I had a dick inside me (again).
Come-puter Keyboard [Women]
Hmm, no wonder the keys are sticky:
Hold your keybord vertically and put the edge on top of your pussy. Gently glide it up and down. Start slowly and then go faster. If you do it too fast you could hurt yourself, so watch out. Find your most sensitive spot and rub the keyboard against it. You'll get a instant orgasm!
Smells Like Bacon [Kitchen]
Don't let your mom make soup out of it:
Buy a large ham hock. Cut a hole in it lengthwise, smaller than your cock (can be small, the meat stretches). Put it in a plastic bag and microwave to warm. Put the ham hock (still in the plastic bag) between pillows. couch, bed our anything cock level. Find the hole and drill the hell out of it. The fat of the ham hock warms up and gets greasy. Rinse and store in fridge. No ones the wiser. Also, I unwind twine cut in small lengths and tape it all around the hole. Feels like pubes on your cock and balls.
Watch Out for Razor Burn [Contraptions]
After you shave your kitty, get a buzz from the razor:
I take a women's electric razor and pull the top off so the "razors" are showing (they're actually pretty dull). Then I take a plastic sandwich bag and fold it a few times and put it over the top of the razors. I use an ouchless hair tie to hold the bag onto the razor. Turn on the razor and put it on your clit. My pussy gets so wet and I start to shake because it feels so good. No man has ever made me cum, but my razor does!
CD: Compact Dick [Objects]
Some creative recycling of packaging:
Take a washcloth or very small towel and wrap it around the base of a empty 50 pack CD spindle - the thing the 50 pack CDs come on. After you wrap the washcloth around the base, have a seat on it and jerk away. The cloth feels like pubes and the spindle acts like a never-go-soft cock in your ass. You can get creative and melt the spindle with a lighter to form bumps or grooves or use elastic bands on it.
Squidley Diddley [Kitchen]
It even has that realistic fishy aroma:
Masturbate using a squid. That's right. That slimy purplish squid. It'll feel just like your second skin. Pull off its head and clean its insides. Slip your cock right into the squid and start shaking till you blow your cum in it
Reader Mail!
See, we're really making a difference:
Well I was looking at your site because no matter how much I tried, I couldn't get off by masturbating myself. So I came here with almost no hope and I noticed the one about the bathtub. How you lean back and put your legs up and let the running water hit your clit. I tried it and it was the best feeling ever! The orgasm is just as good as any other and its quick!! I would recommend it to anybody.
Frosty the Ass Man [Kitchen]
For cooling off on hot summer days:
Use the ice cubes from a tray and ice up your asshole, letting it melt down a lot. When your ass is good and numb, push the ice cube into yourself. I sometimes put 2 or 3 ice-cubes in myself and let them melt inside me. It feels so good to feel the cool, soothing sensation in my ass as I stroke. It isn't at all painful, just make sure your ass is numbed well before insertion. If it is uncomfortable after insertion, sit on the toilet and it passes out easily.
Minty Fresh [Women]
Four out of five dentists recommend?
First, make sure you're already wet. Take some toothpaste and put just a little bit on your middle finger. Then rub it onto your clit. It will start burning and feel really cold. Start stroking your clit and rubbing the toothpaste in. To make the feeling even more intense, rub some of the toothpaste on your asshole too.
Dildo Gang Bang [Women]
Just need a couple of dildos and you're ready to party:
I like to get in the shower with my two suction-cup dildos and have a gang bang. Usually I'll get good and lubed and sit on one while I suck on one that is stuck to the wall. Sometimes I put some honey on the one I'm sucking
Squeaky Clean [Objects]
This will solve your skidmark problems:
Take the detachable showerhead off its holder and get in a squatting position in the shower or tub. Put the showerhead under your legs so the water stream hits your anus. Then with your other hand, jack off with lubricant. Oh man, does this feel good! You'll only last about 2 minutes.
Glove Full of Goo [Contraptions]
Put all your personal care products to good use:
I like to masturbate with disposable or surgical latex gloves using a lube made of hair gel, Glysolid cream (water based), Mentadent green mouthwash, and a little bit of water. I don't remember now the quantities, but it's wonderful! Try it!!!
Towel It Off [Contraptions]
Your wife will get mad if you use the guest towels:
Here's what you need:
1. Some type of lube (I use mineral oil).
2. A plastic baggie.
3. A small hand towel.
4. A sock.
First lay the towel on a table and if its too long fold it in half (you usually have to fold it in half, it feels better). Then lay the plastic bay along it and the roll the towel into a roll. Place the towel into the sock (to hold it together) and then find the opening of the plastic bag and insert the lube. Pump away. Put it between the mattress and box spring, or sofa cushions. You might want to get a paper towel because it can get messy.
Pound the Pillow [Women]
Use an empty shampoo bottle, unless you want a big mess in your bed:
Take a pillow and put a long, hard object of your choice inside (air freshener can, shampoo bottle). Make sure it's under the actual pillow not just under the pillow case. Place another pillow underneath and place yourself on top and find where the object is. Tilt yourself forward a little and rub against it. When you feel like you're about ready to have an orgasm, quickly take your strongest hand with your palm facing up, right under your clit (your back should still be facing the ceiling) and press hard and move fast as you head for the climax. If you want to make it more intense, move your whole body up and down and move your hand in a circular motion.
This will really stimulate you and make your whole body tingle.
Dust It Up [Kinky]
Get a little housework done after you wank:
Men, you ought to try using an ostrich feather duster on your balls. Enjoy the soft sensations it gives just by rotating it around and lightly brushing/tickling against your cock and balls. Just use your imagination with it and you'll be cumming in no time.
Flying Orgasm [Women]
Put your tray tables in the upright locked position:
Get on the edge of a couch or chair and begin to rock your body up and down over top of it, starting off slowly and getting faster and faster. Take your hands off the couch and put them in the air as you are violently thrusting your pussy back and forth. It gives the effect that you are flying while having sex and is one of the best ways to have an amazing orgasm...It always works for me!
Spit It Out [Kinky]
Good way to generate more spit for lube, too:
It may sound very weird, but sometimes before I masturbate, I suck on a hard candy. Then when I'm masturbating with one hand watching a woman's photo, etc., I build some saliva up in my mouth and spit in my other hand. While masturbating, I rub the spit over my face as if the woman is dominating me by masturbating me and spitting over me. It's weird, but the sensation is great.
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